Social Struggle Between Sleeps

I can't stop thinking about this girl. Usually, people would take this as an 'aww' moment and perhaps even suggest that the speaker is in love or has a crush as though it's a matter of quiet celebration. But no. In fact, I've already depressed myself about it.

I only met her fairly recently and I was, at the time, very conscious of her presence. I didn't actively seek to speak to her, and I dismissed this occasion, deciding that I'd never see her again. I doubt this says much for my confidence. However, as a matter of pure luck (is luck the right word? Perhaps 'chance' is better) I have run into her a fair few times since our first meeting.

I barely know what to say to anyone these days. My life consists of a social struggle between sleeps. I wouldn't say I'm awkward. But at the same time, I wouldn't say I have anything interesting to say to anyone. My social situations consist of me 'acting'. I 'act' interested and I act like I'm in a very casual situation when, in reality, I'm not.
However, conversation with this girl seems to fall apart. I have no real clue what to say and I can't even act like I'm interesting. I've often caught her eye and I realise, in that moment, that I must have a look of pure blankness on my face as though I have the intellectual ability or stance of a rabbit caught in headlights.

The scenario that I initially imagined - namely that I would never see her again - was one that I perhaps would not have been satisfied with, but it was one that I could immediately cope with and forget about. The repeated meetings by chance have started filling me with a kind of hope that can only be described, by any realist, as foolish. I decided to write this post (aside from it being a certain kind of release) because about an hour ago I caught myself day-dreaming about what a relationship with this girl would be like. As soon as reality hit me hard enough to wake me from this little fantasy, I was immediately struck by the hopelessness of it all.

This, reader/s, is the latest development in my life. And I'm certain that it's not one that I'll cherish for years to come. To the obvious question "why not ask her out?" - I wouldn't want to suffer the embarrassment.